How Did I Get Here?

Have you ever "woken up" and wondered--how in the world did I get here?

I did that. Just the other day, in fact.

I'm not talking about literally waking up, of course. I'm talking about mentally realizing--I am not where I thought I'd be or maybe want to be...or maybe for you it's a positive thing--how did I get to such a great place?! (I hope for you, it is...)

It's intriguing and a bit depressing to reflect on the choices you've made or the reactions you've displayed and wonder why you let yourself become the type of person you thought you never would. What makes someone become bitter? What makes us discontent with things all around us? What makes us angry or frustrated? Surely such cancers are not born over night...so how do we get...there?

I don't know yet. Without bearing all of my soul here, I'm struggling with some of these things. I think I have been for several months now, without even really knowing it. Then one day I realized that I was indeed a bit bitter...a little frustrated...a smidge discontent...things I don't like to be. Things I know are wrong to be.

I wish I could look back on my life as God sees it and know where the trouble started. I wish I could ensure that such things never happen again. Truth is, though, being human and all...I'm afraid it'll be a long road to becoming the woman I want to be for Christ.

So where does that leave me? How does someone still function well, find balance in life, overcome Satan's snares that threaten to overtake, and still go on doing what he or she has to do? Nothing short of grace can provide that kind of strength.

And nothing short of grace has been given.

I don't have all of the answers. I don't even know where to begin sometimes. But I do know Who is in control. I do know that He has not left me. I do know that He is for me...so no one--nothing--not even me myself--can stand against Him in me.

Perhaps the "how I got here" doesn't matter as much as the "where I'm going now"...and the "how He plans to get me there." And perhaps...He allowed me to "get here," so He could be seen more clearly in who I will become.